Notes to myself
by Storyperv
Summary: I'm tired and exhausted. I just want to go to sleep... forever… And I plan to. Tonight. -Lucas. Contains NessXLucas! rated T for some blood and suicide attempt!
1. Suicide Attempt

_**Notes to myself. By. Storyperv  
**_First author's note: Super smash bros. Sadly does not belong to me. This is my fanfics so don't be to tuff on me? Otherwise enjoy the story. Oh, yeah. This includes NessXLucas!__

_~ This is my crappy line break! ~ ___

Why?  
Why?!  
It always has to be me?!  
I never catch a break!  
Never!  
What did I do!  
What did I do to deserve this?!  
What did I do that was so terrible!  
Can you answer me that?  
Can you just please! Please just answer me that!  
WHY?!  
WHY!  
WHY!  
Answer me freaking will you!  
Why?  
Why…?  
I've barely lived…  
And I already lost so much.  
Dealt with so much.  
So much more than I can take.  
My mother's gone.  
My brother died in my arms.  
I'm constantly bullied by a couple of the other smashers like Wario and Ganandorf.  
Only Ness and a couple of other smashers like Peach and the Mario brothers have tried to stop it.  
The others really just don't care.  
Who would? I'm worthless.  
My dad is too depressed over my mother and brother to care about me.  
Duster and Kumatora were supposedly there for me.  
That was a lie.  
They just acted like they cared; I was just there only hope on saving them.  
So they used me and threw me away the second they didn't need me anymore.  
So far the only person I can talk to is Ness really.  
But for how long will that last?  
I can't trust anybody.  
I'm tired and exhausted.  
I just want to go to sleep...  
forever…  
And I plan to.  
Tonight.  
-Lucas.

His breaths came out in short gasps, quick and shaky. Lucas grasped the knife he stole from the kitchen tightly in his palms, his eyes darting around warily in the basement.

The basement.

Where he planned to do the filthy deed. It was the perfect place to run and hide in. It was gigantic, so it would take a while to find him in there. The basement was where they kept all the extra items they used in brawl, they were all packed in boxes stacked so tall they almost reached the tip top of the celling. The only drawback was that it was absolutely freezing down there, so cold he could see his breath right in fount of him. But that wouldn't matter after he committed the sin he was about to commit. He stopped to look and see where exactly he was, his head slowly turning right and left to see if he could pin point his location. After five minutes of thinking over his surrounding's his conclusion was that he had no idea where he was, and that he was wasting precious time. He decided that this place would do fine, to just hurry up and get this over with.

Lucas took a shaky breath and commanded himself to look at the kitchen utensil in his hands. It was clean, clean enough to see his own reflection in it; it had a sharp thin edge to it also. He put his finger to the edge and pressed downward on it. It almost immediately cut his skin and blood quickly flowed after. It was extremely sharp. That was good. This was the quickest and messiest way to go, painful too. But it was worth it, all the pain and misery he felt for all these years would finally end. And all it took was a little work. His hands brought the knife up to his chest, or to be more exact his heart. He took another sharp intake of breath, calming himself so he wouldn't wuss out of this one. He positioned himself straight and tall, he put on the bravest face he could muster and then he began. He tipped the knife so that the point of the knife pressed against his shirt. He took another breath, but it came out shaky from the fear that was starting to engulfing him. He felt the tip of the knife against his skin, it seemed like the knife was scratching and clawing at his skin, wanting cut through and let the crimson liquid spill. His heart was telling him to fling the knife as far as possible and burst into tears after, but his head was telling him to pick up the pace and have this done with. Tears brimmed his eyes threatening to spill any moment. He looked down in shame; he had looked forward to this. To just get the peaceful sleep he seemed to have never gotten, why couldn't he do it? Tears began to spill as he glared at the reflection in the knife. He raised the knife high over his head.

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!" Lucas screamed as he swung the knife at himself, though he stiffened still when he heard a different voice cut through the air.

"LUCAS! LUCAS DON'T!"

His eyes widened in familiarity at the voice, his head shot towards the direction of the voice.

"Ness?"

There stood Ness with a panic stricken face only a few feet away, majority of the smashers stood behind him afraid of what to do. Lucas shook his head and looked away raising the knife once more. Chaos erupted from the smashers, gasps and screams rang about but Lucas paid them no mind, he just swung once more.

_Why does Ness say he cares about me?  
Everyone hates me.  
They want me gone.  
He doesn't really care.  
That's just not possible.  
"Finally that useless piece of garbage is gone!"  
"I've never been this happy before!"  
"Now my time won't be wasted on that brat!"  
I can already see it.  
Goodbye, everyone.  
I'm so sorry.  
-Lucas  
_  
"LUCAS PLEASE DON'T DO IT!" Ness interrupted yet again. Lucas looked up once more at him, why was he trying to stop him? Didn't he want him to go? Lucas just stared at him in confusion and disbelief.

"But Ness…, don't you want me to go?" Lucas choked out through his tears, now Ness himself took on the face of disbelief.

"Oh, Luke. What in the world made you think I wanted you to go? I'd be heartbroken if you left! I care about you Lucas!" that just caused Lucas's tears to grow, Lucas crumbled to the ground in a waterfall of tears. He held the knife on its side to his head. The blond blue eyed boy cried his heart out in that spot. Ness took an attentive step towards Lucas, hand outstretched toward the younger psi user.

_Ness truly cared.  
He really cared.  
He said so himself!  
_  
That familiar feeling of being loved filled him over like a smooth rush of water. But that other familiar feeling of having happiness ripped away filled him once more.

_But how long does being loved last?  
Not very long…,  
It's better to keep myself from more heart ache.  
-Lucas_

"NO!" the scream from Lucas took Ness by surprise causing him to jump in surprise. He rushed forward and grabbed Lucas by his wrist, searching the boy's face for any hint to of what was wrong.

"Lucas! Lucas what's the matter?"

"JUST KEEP AWAY FROM ME! EVERYTHING I CARE ABOUT IS ALWAYS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME EITHER! I CANT HANDLE ANYMORE PAIN!" Lucas shrieked, as he struggled with Ness' grip. He put his hands against Ness' chest and pushed him away.

"LUCAS NO!" Ness screamed, but it was too late. Lucas swung the knife as hard as he could. The pain was so intense that it made him drop like a rock. Ness immediately rushed forward and caught him before he hit the ground screaming his name and telling him to stay awake. Some smashers ran forward to help while others either bursted into tears or were frozen shock.

"Call Doctor Mario, tell hi-  
"Press the cloth on the wound Ne-  
"Get master Han-  
all the voices melted away into silence as Lucas slowly started to lose conscious. Now, all would have been perfect if Lucas hadn't missed his mark.

*To be continued in chapter two!*

Author's note: So yeah, this is my first fanfics ever so don't judge me! Well actually I don't mind if you judge me. Just go a little easy will you? Thanks to my partner in crime Roseal for the help! Couldn't have done it without you girl! She gave me the idea for this so yeah!

Reread and Review please!

_  
_


	2. Talking to Mom

_**Notes to myself. By. Storyperv  
**_Authors note: I was over joyed when I saw your reviews! I was kind of freakin out withier the story would be good or not! Well, here are some replies to your reviews!

*Nothing belongs to me! So enjoy or whatevs.*

an annoying steady beeping noise has had Lucas on his nerves for about twenty minutes so far. All he could see was a blackish purple color everywhere. He couldn't see or hear anything else but that. He wanted to smack whatever was making that noise to shut it up, anything for peaceful silence. Lucas let out a sigh; things never seem to go his way. All he wanted was to join his brother and mother. But no. Something always seemed to get in the way of his happiness. Why? He would never know, no one would ever answer him.

_Alone.  
I've been alone for quite the while.  
I've been fighting the alone too.  
Why  
I don't know.  
But I can't just let myself drown.  
I don't get it.  
There's nothing to fight for.  
The friends that were supposedly there for me?  
For the family that is broken apart right now?  
I don't know.  
I just don't know.  
-Lucas._

Lucas was officially annoyed to heck with the beeping, it's like it was taunting him.

_Beeb…, beeb…, beeb…,_

Lucas felt his eye twitch in annoyance. He was about to start yelling at whatever or whoever was making that noise until he heard something.

"_-o it."_

The voice was boyish, a little deep too. It started softly then gradually got deeper and then straight back to soft. "O it?! What the heck does that mean!?" Lucas yelled out angrily. He didn't mean to be mean, he was just really annoyed.

_"-you do it?"_

"What? I don't understand! What are you saying?!"

"Why'd you do it Lucas?"

Lucas raised an eyebrow. Who was asking him this? The voice sounded so familiar. The persons voice was comforting, in a weird way. It made him feel safe for some reason. The voice gave him a sense of security.

_"Don't you see that there are people here that care about you? I care about you! Red cares! Popo, Nana,_ _  
Toony, Pit, Peach, Mario, Link, Kirby, and so many others care too… so why did you do it?"_

Why did he do it? Because he was upset, he was constantly bullied by some of the other smashers for being the "burden" as they called it, everywhere he went he was haunted by the fact his mother died protecting his brother and him, he couldn't shake off the fact that his brother died right in his arms using his last breaths talking to him, he was afraid his friends would ditch him the minute they were done with him just like Kuma and Duster, he was afraid his friends would die before him and that he would have to relive his mother's and brother's death all over again. He just wanted to keep himself from enduring anymore heart ache; he just didn't want to go through any of that. Not now not ever.  
_  
"Does anyone actually care?  
Or do they just act like they care because it's expected form heroes to care for every one?  
Or do I just look so pathetic that there nice to me out of sympathy?  
Who knows?  
I just hope they genuinely care.  
- Lucas."__  
_  
"I did to protect myself from hurting any longer and to protect myself from hurting in the future."

Lucas heard nothing in response. He was only met with the annoying beeping.

"Great! When I thought I was getting somewhere I get sent straight back to square one!" Lucas thought angrily.

"Hello? You still there?" Lucas yelled out into the unknown, eyes darting around everywhere for nothing in particular. Lucas's eyes locked onto something far in the distance. From where he was it looked like a dot of white, but it quickly grew in size as it got closer. It was rushing at him at amazing speed, possibly even faster than Sonic's speed. Until it hit him head on with such force that it threw him back a couple feet, it rushed over him, consuming the darkness that had surrounded him earlier. He quickly got up preparing himself to fight anything that came at him. Instead he was pushed back a bit by strong gust of wind. It swirled around him making his hair swish around in any direction the wind went in, his shirt plastered itself against his small tiny frame as did his shorts, but he stood his ground digging his feet into what pretty much felt like metal. The room he was in quickly dropped its temperature so low his teeth started chattering. His thin arms wrapped themselves around his body in a feeble attempt to stay warm.

"Lucas… my poor son. I'm so sorry."

Lucas's eyes shot open, practically the size of cds. That voice. He could recognize that voice anywhere. That sweet caring tone, it was the unmistakable voice of his mother.

"Come to your mothers hands"

Lucas turned around slowly. And sure enough there was his mother. Her hair long and flowing gently through the air, her red dress swing side to side lowly, her arms wide open awaiting for him to jump into their embrace, her warm caring brown eyes had a look of sorrow and sympathy. He couldn't help it. He started blubbering like an idiot, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks with no intention of stopping.

"Mom!"

Lucas shot forward, arms stretched outwards, desperately trying to reach for his mother. He jumped into his mother's embrace, tears of pure joy and sorrow slowly spilled down his cheeks.

"Lucas. Oh, Lucas. My poor baby. "His mother cooed as she embraced her son.

"Mom…I can't believe it's you… did I finally die?"

"Oh Lucas… you didn't deserve anything that you got. You're a great child; no one should have to go through what you had to go through."

Lucas just cried in her arms, so many emotions going through him he couldn't keep track of them.

"Lucas. Lucas sweetie. You have to go back."

Those words made him freeze up. He broke away from the embrace with his mother his tears were put on hold as he stared at his mom with a bewildered look.

"Mom? You, you can't send me back there mom! I-.. I don't want to g..- go back! I-… I can't go back!" He stuttered out in shock, he turned away from his mother. He finally got the courage he had been putting up together to kill himself. And now she was telling him to go back?! It wasn't fair! This was supposed to be his happy ending! All his mom do was give him a look that was between pity and hopefulness.

"Lucas, I know this is hard for you. Your happy ending has yet to still come, it might be a while but when it comes you won't regret it. There are people out their Lucas that still need you, that will always need you!" Lucas's mother exclaimed, arms stretched to her son in hope that he would listen and do the right thing.

"I'm not saying your life will be a breeze when you wake up, there still many challenges before you my son. But you can't let those get to you, life is a confusing maze, with many doors that hide secrets you wouldn't believe. You have to find a path and take a chance on it, you're not alone though. You have people willing to help you without a moment's hesitation. Their right there, helping you get through the maze they call life. You have many people there for you Lucas, just look closely and their right there." Lucas looked at his mother with a hint of hope on his face, the tears on his face were slowly evaporating as he took in his mother's words.

"Please Lucas, people out there need you. Don't turn away from them now." Lucas looked at his mother's hand slowly reaching for her hand.

"Wait!" Lucas exclaimed pulling his hand back. His mother gave him a questioning look.

"Yes dear?"

"What if I make a mistake! What if I accidently ignore the signs and take the wrong turn? Then what!" Lucas asked fearfully, eyes brimming with new tears. His mother just smiled lovingly.

"Oh Lucas. You won't take a wrong turn. Because I'll show you the way. I'll lead the way for you." Lucas smiled at his mother.

"Thanks Mom. I'm going to miss you when I wake up."

"I'll always miss you sweetie." The wind around them grew harsher, whipping at them an extreme speed.

"MOM!" Lucas screamed out in panic. He could barely see his mom through the wind. His mother just laughed.

"No need to panic Lucas. You're just waking up! Make me proud sweetie! I love you!" Lucas just barely made out what his mother had said, the wind seemed to be in the way of everything. He could barely hear, see, and move.

"I will! I love you too mom!" Lucas thought for a moment.

"Wait! Mom I-!" Lucas was cut off as his eyes flew shut and the feeling of every bone in his body turning into jelly. Now his questions couldn't be answered.

Ness lifted his head from the spot it had been laying on for the past couple minutes. The spot was still moist from when he had been crying earlier. had told him a couple days before that when talking to people in a comma they can sometimes hear you. So today when he was talking to Lucas he had looked at him and just broke down in tears. Seeing one of the closest people to him lying there looking helpless, and knowing that there was a possibility that he might never wakeup again. He had just broken down. He had held Lucas's hand as he cried his heart out to Lucas's 'sleeping' soul, kissing his cheeks in hope for something to happen. But of course nothing happened. But yes. Lucas had slipped into a comma. It had been about a week and a half since the fateful day were Lucas had stabbed himself with one of Peach's cooking knives. Almost all the people in the mansion were traumatized by the experience, a few had moved on but plenty of others were still shocked by what had happened.

Peach had taken the knife that Lucas had stabbed himself with and started a fire in the garden and flung the knife in the fire, many rushed outside to put out the fire that seemed to be spreading across the lawn quickly while Peach had started to cry. Mario had went to go comfort her but all she did was push him away and run back inside, she came out with every knife in the kitchen she had found and threw them all into the flames. Mario now was by her side almost all the time to make sure she didn't do anything like that again. Peach cared for Lucas so much, Lucas had always gone to her when he had a problem and needed answers and she always answered them happily. She had seen him like a son, and it hurt her so much to see him harm himself before her eyes.

Popo had locked himself in one of closets in the basement, and cried there for a majority of the time he was in there chanting "I'm never coming out again." Nana had spent hours there trying to comfort and convince him to come out. He had spent so long in there that Nana had worried for his health and wellbeing that she had to get some help from the other smashers to knock down the door. By the time they knocked down the door Popo had spent the whole day in the freezing closet. He was starving and shivering like crazy. He spent the next two days in bed sick, with Nana worried sick herself. No, literally. She had gotten so worried for Popo she had to ignore her own feelings to care for Popo's seeing as she wasn't as close to Lucas as Popo. But the tasked proved to be too stressful for her that she threw up in a toilet at how stressed she got over it.

Pit had locked himself away from everyone. He ran away from it all the minute the blood had splattered about. It didn't help that he was one of the closest people to the scene; he was so close a bit of blood had splattered on his toga. It had been hours since anyone had seen him. They formed a search party and searched around the mansion for the angel boy. In the end they didn't find him anywhere until Luigi had pointed out that he was in the attic but Pit refused to open the door. Many had tried to talk and reason with the angel but he didn't respond to anything, all they got in return was muffled sobs. He didn't respond to anything. Even when his precious goddess tried talking to him, (to every one's surprise) he had ignored her. He had spent about three days in the attic. Everyone was worried sick, but what could they do? They had tried everything they could think of. Busting down the door, getting in through a window, even breaking some the floor to get in but it all seemed to backfire somehow. It was until Pit's goddess (Lady Palutena), had sent someone to go fetch Pit for her since she was unable to. She had surprisingly sent Pit's darker half who preferred to go by the name Kuro. He talked to Pit for a bit but only got raspy answers that he could barely hear in reply. But they were still answers and that was better than what everyone else got. He was able to get Pit out of the room but everyone was horrified by Pit's condition. His eyes were bloodshot with large bags under them, his skin deathly pale, his voice was croaky and broken, his hair was a tangly mess, he still wore the same cloth he wore the day of the incident the blood had dried on it, he was covered in a bit of dust since the attic wasn't the cleanest place in the world, and he could barely stand on his own two feet, so weak from depriving himself from food, water, and apparently sleep. Kuro ended up carrying him out the mansion and up to the heavens at how weak he was. They would get messages every now and then on Pits wellbeing from Lady Palutena, but apart from that no connection to Pit.

Those were just some examples of how people had taken the whole incident. But no one was as near as upset as Ness. Ness had seemed to blame himself for everything, saying things like "I should have known he was upset!" and "How could I have been so blind!" Everyone felt sympathy for the capped PSI user. Many tried confronting him but they were all shot down. At first he had vowed to find what drove Lucas to his suicide attempt but once he found out why he had turned as silent as a mouse. No one knew what he found that made him so quiet, everyone was worried. But in fear of making him snap they said nothing. But they planned to ask him later when everything got quieter.

Ness was horrified by what he had found. All the secrets Lucas had hid from everyone. How had Lucas handled it all? There was so much sorrow. Too much pain. Ness felt as if everything was being thrown at him, too quick that he couldn't catch it all properly. Every dark secret and horrifying truth were confronting him too fast, he was so unprepared for all of it.

"Is this how Lucas felt? When his mom and brother died? When the fates of millions were put on his shoulders? The minute he was thrown like trash when they were done with him?" Ness thought bitterly.

But worst of all… how had he not known about it? Everything,… he should have known. He should have been there more for him. He and Lucas were the closest of friends. Sharing their darkest secrets and fears to each other. Always having each other's back when the other was in pain or danger. Lucas had always been there for him. When his parents got a divorce Lucas had been by his side hard as stone not letting anything harm Ness. He had comforted Ness, hugged him as he cried soothing comforting words into his ears. Whenever he got homesick Lucas seemed to immediately know and demanded of Master Hand to let Ness call his folks. Whenever Lucas got sick from someone sneaking something into his food Ness would be by his side making sure he got better, and as soon as Lucas was feeling well Ness would go find out who was to blame and beat the tar out of them. Whenever Lucas looked sad or hurt Ness was by his side in an instant checking for bruises or any form of injury asking him what's wrong. He always told off any bully that started saying things to Lucas, even Got into quite the many fights with people just defending Lucas. Ness was very protective Lucas. Always looking after him, not fearing of putting himself in harm's way to protect Lucas. They were there for each other and told the other everything.

"Apparently you didn't tell me everything Lucas." Ness thought sadly. Ness had defended Lucas from physical pain, but had not saved him from the emotional pain. What had hurt him the very most though… was the letters. He had only found a couple but they told what Lucas saw and felt through his own words. Lucas practically feared every emotion possible. He feared so many things. He was so traumatized by what he had been through that he feared the same happening again. He was driven to suicide by fear, what prevented most people from suicide. He was so worried of feeling more pain; he had enough and couldn't take anymore. He stared at the notes Lucas had written from affair. There were still so many questions that needed to be answered. But majority of them could only be answered by Lucas himself. Ness took out one of the notes Lucas had written from his pocket and began to read.

_Alone in a crowded room.  
Zelda said those words earlier.  
I asked her what_ _she meant by it.  
She just stared at me with a strange glint in her eye and said  
"Everyone has a different perspective on what the words mean."  
And that I would have to search inside myself for the meaning.  
So I thought about.  
Asked a couple people what they thought about it.  
"That you're different compared to everyone around you."-Pit  
"That you're a' loser compared to everyone around a' you."- Luigi  
"That your room is very messy and you need to clean it up so it's not so cramped up in there."-Snake  
"Well I'm never really alone because my friends are always around me. Take my friend Amy for example. She never leaves alone, but I actually enjoy her presence. It makes me happy to know she'll always be there for me. So I never really feel alone" -Sonic  
and then I went on a walk outside in the garden.  
I climbed up a tree with my notepad and pencil and sat on a thick branch.  
From below I saw a group of teenagers playing around.  
But as I looked to the side I saw a little boy sitting on the hood of a car looking very lonely.  
All he did was stare at the older kids goof off with his arms wrapped around himself.  
And I saw myself there in his place.  
When I was younger and I had no friends.  
The first day at the mansion when I sat in a corner while everyone talked and laughed with each other.  
I completely understood what Zelda meant earlier.  
I knew what she meant a little too well.  
I kept on staring at the boy until I noticed one of the teenagers walk over to the boy.  
He ruffled the boy hair and sat on the hood of the car with him.  
They talked and laughed and seemed to be enjoying the others company very much.  
I smiled.  
I saw Cluas coming up to me and pulling me into a big hug when I felt lonely.  
I saw myself on my first day at the mansion.  
When Ness walked up to me and started talking to me and introducing me to everyone,  
Because I was too scared to do it myself.  
At least I'm not completely alone.  
-Lucas.  
_  
Ness folded the paper back in his pocket. He looked over to Lucas's sleeping form and to his hand that still to this moment was holding. He squeezed Lucas's hand lightly and whispered

"Please wake up Luke."

And much to his surprise, Lucas's eye's fluttered open._  
__  
__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Authors note: X3 Hello! Geesh, this is took forever to write! Ok. To be honest I planned for this to be a one shot deal. But then I changed my mind and decided to extend this story a bit. Hope you guys aren't too pissed._

_Reread and review! Favorite and fallow! Your choice! Pretty please!_


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